Dr Meehan: My Mum’s Got A Willy

Yes, that’s right sickos, its Dr Meehan o’clock. Sorry I didn’t reply to anything last week, I was at Nelson’s 90th.
Surgery notice: From now on all your calls will be answered by Gloria – the new housekeeper/PA. Who doesn’t love to have a big fat Mexican woman with a name like ‘Gloria’ around the place? Enough of that. Onto today’s big, juicy, pulsating topic. This week’s cry of help comes from Sandra in Wiltshire.

Hello Sandra. I’m going to ask: Deal or no deal?
My mums got a willy

Not to worry, it happens to the best of us. I don’t think it’s in either of our best interests to be reliving how you came to this conclusion. However, I am concerned that you’re an AHBB (Arse-Hole-Born-Baby). Now don’t panic. If you’ve been clearing out lumps of shit out of your hair for the last 23 years, then you were officially shat out of your mums arse. Another issue may be that your mum is actually called Dereck and has been disguising himself so that his soul doesn’t find him. (Don’t worry; your real mum has probably just gone to live on a nice farm very far away for a while).
My best solution to offer is to stop worrying about your shitty mum and her giant penis, and maybe worry about getting yourself laid for once. No offense, but your a middle-aged overweight Dixons worker who’s just too busy feeling sorry for herself because her mum has a whole cheese-producing-dairy-farm underneath his præputium.
Whilst on the subject, can Gloria change her reservation with your mum to Wednesday?

That’s all for Meehans this week folks, but remember: If you’re not feelin better, give Meehan a letter.
Soupernova.